State of Confusion

Apologies in advance, this is not very coherent. More for me than anyone else. 

I'm lazy. There, I said it and now it's in the ether and you all know it. In one of my new favorite books, The Sex Lives of Cannibals (which anyone who has ever traveled should read, it's hilarious), the author says this, which made me stop and Mark The Page Because It Was ME:

It is an unfortunate reality for innate idlers that our modern world requires one to hold a job to maintain a sustainable existence. Idling, I find, is immensely underrated, even vilifed by some who see inactivity as the gateway for the Evil One. Personally, I regard idling as a virtue, but civilized society holds otherwise and the fact remains that I still had to get a a job.

I mean, I would be happy for a good week or two to rest my laurels under some sort of palm tree with some sort of coconut in my hand doing nothing whatsoever. And then I would get bored. I like doing stuff, I hate HAVING to do stuff. I know that none of this makes sense yet, but I promise I'm getting somewhere with this.

When I started learning more about Paleo/Primal eating, the best thing about it was that I could basically eat whatever I wanted in whatever quantities I wanted without ever having to measure anything. I HATE measuring, and I'll say it again with capital letters. I HATE measuring and I hate thinking ahead because all this requires effort, honestly. And that's no good, not anymore, because as I proceed in my Crossfit life from "wow, I love this so much more than a treadmill, but I'm so intimidated by these amazing people and someday I'd like to get one, ONE pullup" to "okay, I have one or two pullups, I can deadlift pretty heavy and maybe, just maybe I could compete next year" I realize that I have to put some effort into my eating just as I have to do in my training.

My nutrition, just like my training, has to be deliberate. I can't just skate through my week hoping I'll get a session in here and there around work meetings and me being tired, I have to put it in my calendar in Sharpie. I can't leave the house in the morning not knowing what I'm eating for dinner that night. Because for my innately lazy self, when I don't have a Plan, everything goes to shit. It really does. And then one day of no Crossfit becomes two, becomes three, becomes a week, and crappy eating follows.

Let me pause for a moment to give major credit to the very wise and patient Erin Davidson, my coach, who spent several hours yesterday talking me through this and who I'm sure will talk me off the ledge several times as I adjust to this new lifestyle. I don't like things to be hard--even in Crossfit workouts, which are deathly hard, my brain always tries to convince me to make it easier. For some reason, then, I can shut it down. But not with food. With food, it's everything my mind wants, all the time, or my mind becomes a pouty little two year old. I think Melicious talked about this awhile back. It's childish and it's stupid and it's not the way an athlete should think. My admittedly higher fat Primal-with-cheats diet is fine for staying right here where I am, but it's not going to help me get better as an athlete, not the way I'm doing it.

So,in order to achieve these goals that I set for myself by the end of the year...

Unassisted pullups IN A WORKOUT (this means in quantity)
20 unassisted pushups in a row
Unassisted ring dips
120# ground/overhead anyhow
95# strict press
240# deadlift/use of 185# DL in quantity
box jumps/vertical leap power
900m+ tabata row
1:25 400 m sprint
rehabbing my adductor safely so I can squat again.
much soft tissue/flexibility work
"Helen" RX'ed (even if it takes forever)


...here's what I must do.

1. Train consistently and train hard and lift heavy.
2. Rest often, focus on soft tissue work and stretching, mobility, and flexibility.
3. Ice this adductor til it obeys me, and make sure to ice anything that's bothering me.
4. Sleep more.
5. Stop eating after 8pm.
6. Fish oil, Vitamin D, Zinc/Magnesium
7. Take in 25g PRO/25gCHO before working out and 25gPRO directly after workout.
8. Stop thinking of it as a workout and start thinking of it as TRAINING.
9. Don't be afraid to get uncomfortable in a session. I've sworn off the blue band for pullups. We've had a good run, and it's going to suck for awhile without it. But we're so over.
10. 115ish g PRO per day, similar amount of carbs, 60ish g FAT. Really going to try to do this without grains. I think I can. I like how I feel without them in my life. Vegetables, sweet potatos/beets etc and not too much fruit. This is where the control element comes in, and I'll need to ignore my inner two year old a little bit.
11. So much sunshine and outside time in my life. I need it.


I think that's it. I realize this is not really a "good" blog post in the sense that it means much to anyone but me. But I figure that for me, the more people who know what I'm doing and my goals the better, because they can all hold me accountable. And remind me that laziness is not going to get me far.

As an aside, www.ironandspice.com is now MINE! Which means actual products are not far behind! T-shirts, prints, etc. I'm really excited.